SS Placeholder: Endgame

Note: At this point, you should assume all the trigger warnings for the SS Placeholder game. This week’s writeup hits on transphobia and racism, along with our usual complement of sexism, piracy, violence, etc.

This recap covers the final 2 weeks of the Space Race campaign.

We had an early start, but spent a good amount of time recapping after a 2-week absence.

We made it to Paragon station, where Alain apparently teleported part of the station/asteroid into our ship, nearly shortening the captain’s height by about a foot. He leaped out of bed and went barreling for the med bay to find Kiray and some drugs (paranoia when he’s not indulging his addictive personality).

The party proceeded to charm its way into the cargo hold of an actually-competent space “pirate” (formerly an engineer) who was salvaging the wreckage. We convinced him that there’s a lot of money to be had if he transports us to the coordinates where Ricky Serrano is hiding out.

He agrees and we get underway. Shenanigans ensue. Alain gets Bubbles working on “some project” involving the wreckage of Paragon Station.

On the eve of facing our dooms with Ricky Serrano, Kiray and Angel have a little chat about Alain and, tangentially, Captain Steele.

A werewolf offering dating advice to a fish in a machine suit who likes a cat-man in a gas mask while a small cat robot possessed by a ghost eggs her on. I just want to point out the absurdity of this scene. (from Tyler)

We arrive at the “dark star” that is supposed to be Serrano’s base, and discover that it’s a dyson sphere. This is… not good. It’s surrounding a star, which means there is a lot of energy flowing into and through this sphere, mainly being trapped and perhaps powering… something.

We decide to make an assault on the sphere. Alain has readied a series of missiles for launch at Serrano. We position ourselves outside Serrano’s comm center, where a break in the shields gives him a better view (Serrano is notoriously vain).

The Captain and Serrano exchange words, with the captain eventually crying “eat a dick” and ordering Kiray to launch the missiles. Kiray launches all the missiles, sending a large, phallic carved missile straight into the comm center.

All hell breaks loose. We teleport-switch our ship for the phallus and disembark for the mano-a-mano portion of the fight. Kiray and the Captain head out into the comm center to fight with Serrano and his goons. Kiray clears the minions out while Steele and Serrano have it out, in a bloody punch-fest while wearing boxer shorts (Serrano, yellow), yoga pants (Steele, Kiray’s), and socks (Serrano: on his feet; Steel: not on his feet…) Eventually, Kiray and minions just bust out some popcorn. Serrano is distracted momentarily by hitting on Kiray, and Steele gives him the final punch-out and demands he confess to stealing his songs over the years.

Kiray and the Captain leave, but not before she gives a “call me” sign to Serrano over her shoulder (it’s hard not to adore Serrano when his icon looks like Philip J. Fry).

Meanwhile, Alain has been deconstructing the dyson sphere. I will admit, a lot of this went over my head, but it culminated in Alain and his dead grandfather having a monologue-off, with the grandfather activating something in the sphere, and… boom.

We were all teleported somewhere. Also, there was a ship there. It looked like Babycake’s (pink haired pirate girl) ship, but had the registry “RSE All Steele.” (sorry– I remember the name wrong, but can’t quite recall how).

We are hailed by its captain. Admiral? Whatever. He’s Steele, except with a mustache and from an alternate dimension, where he became emperor!

Kiray is conflicted, cause “Oh Captain, My Captain” does not say anything about emperors who are your captain’s exact duplicate.

Misunderstanding Captain Steele’s instructions, she shoots the Captain in the face with her stun taser and gets herself over to the emperor’s ship, intending to kill him. She attempts some of her “alluring predator” tricks, getting him into a hall with just two bodyguards and two airlocks closing them in. She takes out both of his bodyguards (who turn out to be werewolves). He reacts by pulling his gun, but she wolfs out and can smell that his bullets are not silver.

Still… she can’t bring herself to kill him. He looks just like her captain, and even if her captain did give her what she thinks is a direct order, she just can’t bring herself to take him out (compel from the GM).

So, she knocks him unconscious and has Alain teleport both of them back to the Placeholder.

She drags the emperor over to Captain Steele by her teeth and drops him at his feet. Steele exchanges words with the emperor, then shoots him in the face!

Kiray’s elongated jaw drops. Alain sends the emperor’s body down to med bay for Angel to deal with.

Eventually, we catch up with Alain’s grandfather, who is in some kind of escape pod system. They monologue, with the grandfather doing a kind of typical “pass the torch” thing with Alain. Alain takes a second teleporter device and brings the two together, pressing both buttons.


This is probably the point where I mention that, throughout this campaign, we have used “click” to signal a conversation is over. We often just say it out loud, and then a few sentences later we’ll actually say “I cut the comm.” The joke is that our characters are saying “click” as if that’s a social cue.

We agree that this is an excellent place to end the campaign, and Daniel gives a little exposition of the ending, followed by a “6 months later” epilogue for everyone. Alain is busy with rebuilding the dyson sphere. Captain Steele is resurrecting his music career and has just boarded a transport vessel for his next gig. And Kiray…. is working as a protocol officer on the transport vessel, and shows “Mr. Steele” around the ship. They have a very awkward reunion, ending with her showing him to his stateroom. On the door, there’s a hand-made placard labeled “Penthouse.”

The end.