The Hardest Part is Trusting My Team

This is a gaming write-up, a journal entry from the point-of-view of my D&D character. It’s fiction. Other posts in this campaign are tagged “movingforward” for your convenience.

The hardest part is trusting them.

Not Firiel’s little thefts– thank the gods that blew over! Not Ordune’s impulses for destruction. Not that weird glint Tristram gets in his eyes. Not even trusting Emilien not to turn us in for the bounty…. though I don’t trust him enough to tell him who I really am, so I suppose that’s something.

No. The hard part last night was trusting Emilien to come back safely. Trusting everyone to disperse into a town bustling with potential informants, to seek information and not get caught.

The hard part is trusting them to succeed without me watching, hovering behind them, anxiously biting my tongue from saying “no, do this–”

I can do this, though. They can do this, usually better than I can. These people are the best at what they do, even if they don’t know it yet. Firiel is so sneaky, I’ve run into her in camp and not even realized it was her– and she’s one of only a handful of drow in the Company!

Well. She was one of a handful. Now she’s one of two.

Emilien… what can I say about Emilien? He knows his stuff. He’s good at it. We need him. Ordune and Tristram don’t trust him, but they don’t need to. They need to trust me, and my ability to give Emilien enough reason to stay, or at least not to go over to the other side.

There is no shame in using your body and your skills to provide a life for yourself, for your family. Fariga told me that, when I scoffed at the “mercenary way” of fighting she taught me, when I made snide remarks about the infamous courtesans of Kindel. Emilien uses his body to earn coin and bread. Fine– the currency I can pay him in is gold and silver. It is easy to sight, if hard to come by.

Ordune’s currency is redder and wet– I need to buy his loyalty with the blood of our enemies, and thankfully, we agree on who those enemies are. For now.

Tristram is paid in honor– a coin he has lost a great deal of, in this war. It will be a long time before I can reward him the way he deserves.

And Firiel takes her pay in the form of respect. In some ways, she’s the simplest of us– bonds of respect, friendship, and love will keep her going. They’re also what I’ll need to be wary of. Like all of us, she will be tempted to follow those bonds away from the Harriers for her own personal goals.

I’ve made a plan for our next steps, but I’m not ready to give it to the team yet. We need to get through the first challenges, first. Bread, and meat, and gear. Places to sleep. Safety. These things first.