10 Things to do with a Fruitcake (besides eat it!)

Top Ten Things to Do with A Fruit Cake (besides eat it)

By Stephanie Cottrell Bryant
December, 2002.

  1. Home base in your family’s annual championship game of snowball baseball.
  2. Frisbee!
  3. Set it next to a door that stubbornly refuses to stay open. Best used with a door you have no intention of ever closing, as removing the new doorstop may be a challenge.
  4. Leave it out for Santa to eat and catch the fat bastard as he’s trying to wedge himself back up the chimney, weighted down with your three-week-old rum-soaked fruit cake, a can of pressurized whipped cream, and a quart of whole milk.
  5. Stick feathers in it during duck hunting season to make a festive decoy.
  6. A dog chew toy. . . what do you mean not even your dog will touch it?
  7. Crumble it up into small pieces and. . . . just kidding. We know you can’t actually break up a fruit cake!
  8. “Pull!” – An inexpensive skeet. Reusable, too.
  9. Use as freeweights to bulk up your biceps.
  10. Place in a trebuchet when besieging a castle. Fire.

© 2003, Stephanie Cottrell Bryant. Written by Stephanie Cottrell Bryant. Permission to copy, distribute, share with friends and loved ones is granted, provided the copyright and author acknowledgments remain intact.

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