{"id":2335,"date":"2006-12-11T15:20:34","date_gmt":"2006-12-11T19:20:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mortaine.com\/blog\/10-things-to-do-with-a-fruitcake-besides-eat-it\/"},"modified":"2016-03-03T13:47:16","modified_gmt":"2016-03-03T17:47:16","slug":"10-things-to-do-with-a-fruitcake-besides-eat-it","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.mortaine.com\/blog\/humor\/10-things-to-do-with-a-fruitcake-besides-eat-it\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Things to do with a Fruitcake (besides eat it!)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Top Ten Things to Do with A Fruit Cake (besides eat it)<\/h1>\n

By Stephanie Cottrell Bryant
\nDecember, 2002.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Home base in your family’s annual championship game of snowball baseball.<\/li>\n
  2. Frisbee!<\/li>\n
  3. Set it next to a door that stubbornly refuses to stay open. Best used with a door you have no intention of ever closing, as removing the new doorstop may be a challenge.<\/li>\n
  4. Leave it out for Santa to eat and catch the fat bastard as he’s trying to wedge himself back up the chimney, weighted down with your three-week-old rum-soaked fruit cake, a can of pressurized whipped cream, and a quart of whole milk.<\/li>\n
  5. Stick feathers in it during duck hunting season to make a festive decoy.<\/li>\n
  6. A dog chew toy. . . what do you mean not even your dog will touch it?<\/li>\n
  7. Crumble it up into small pieces and. . . . just kidding. We know you can’t actually break up a fruit cake!<\/li>\n
  8. “Pull!” – An inexpensive skeet. Reusable, too.<\/li>\n
  9. Use as freeweights to bulk up your biceps.<\/li>\n
  10. Place in a trebuchet when besieging a castle. Fire.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    \n

    \u00c2\u00a9 2003, Stephanie Cottrell Bryant. Written by Stephanie Cottrell Bryant. Permission to copy, distribute, share with friends and loved ones is granted, provided the copyright and author acknowledgments remain intact.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Top Ten Things to Do with A Fruit Cake (besides eat it) By Stephanie Cottrell Bryant December, 2002. Home base in your family’s annual championship game of snowball baseball. Frisbee! Set it next to a door that stubbornly refuses to stay open. Best used with a door you have no intention of ever closing, as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":2337,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-2335","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\n10 Things to do with a Fruitcake (besides eat it!) - Games, Crafts, and Thoughts from Mortaine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mortaine.com\/blog\/humor\/10-things-to-do-with-a-fruitcake-besides-eat-it\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"10 Things to do with a Fruitcake (besides eat it!) - Games, Crafts, and Thoughts from Mortaine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Top Ten Things to Do with A Fruit Cake (besides eat it) By Stephanie Cottrell Bryant December, 2002. 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