Grrr.
31-Jul-06
There was a woman at the Basking in Books program yesterday who really set me on edge. She was possibly on drugs (she looked like she used heroin or meth), and she indicated many times that she was homeless (as John put it: “Anyone who says they know where the really strong hand-dryer is in Santa Cruz public washrooms is homeless”), but since she also indicated that she’s a UCSC student, she seemed to be in the “voluntarily homeless” category. This is, after all, Santa Cruz, land of lunatics. I’ve been a member of several international communities and organizations with a local presence, and it is always this area that has to wack-jobs in it.
At any rate, during the discussion, I started to say something, and as sometimes happens with me, I “stuttered.” This isn’t a normal “stuck on a word” stutter, but rather a repetition of one or two words until my brain finishes composing the sentence and I can get it all the way out. It’s actually less uncommon than I used to think– I’ve met a few folks at Toastmasters who do the same thing.
It also may be related to my early childhood speech impediment: I used to have a “hesitation” when speaking– which disappeared shortly after my parents split up, and which I never even knew about until I was in my 20’s. Since the speech impediment was pretty much buried for years, and since it clearly has psychological origins, I’m highly sensitive about it and to it– when I notice it happening, I know that something is going on, either in my subconscious, or else I’m exceedingly tired. In other words, if I “stutter,” it means I need to check in with myself and possibly make some changes.
Anyway, the bitch… I mean homeless person– had the fucking nerve to tease me about the fact that I couldn’t get my sentence out. “Spit it out” is not something you say to someone who is obviously having trouble expressing herself.
You should all be proud of the fact that I did not physically throw her into the hallway. I did, however, tell her that silica gel packets are not dangerous to swallow.