Pet Ownership
16-Sep-05
Responsible pet ownership starts long before you get the pet.
See, I used to be what I would have to call an irresponsible pet owner. Now, granted, most of these cases were before I was eighteen years old, and a large number were when I was a wee child who could not have been expected to know any better. But still. Very irresponsible.
I had fish who I couldn’t keep alive for more than 3 weeks. Sure, pet store fish are going to carry more diseases. But also: I had no idea what I was doing. I had no right owning a fish until I learned more about them.
I had two birds who both eventually died; in one case, it was almost certainly dehydration.
I had cats who believed a litter box was what you peed on, not in. You would be surprised at how important the choice of preposition can be.
I had a hermit crab who did not move for six months before I realized it must have been dead for a while.
I had a dog who pulled on the leash, leaped up on people, barked incessantly, and bit two people.
Thank god for the Internet. I had read books on dog training, but didn’t really understand what I was supposed to do. I had heard the phrase “set up your tank” but didn’t know what that meant. I had, honestly, no clue that a bird would die without water, having never really made the connection between water and life (it seems stupid, but when you’re a kid, you take a lot of things for granted).
This year, I put two aging pets to sleep, both at fourteen. I can honestly say that their lives were truly wonderful in my care.
How did it happen? How did I go from someone who didn’t have a clue to someone who has healthy, happy, well-behaved pets? More importantly, you moms and dads might be thinking, how do I teach someone else to become a good pet parent, or how do I become one myself?
Good Research Means Good Pet Parenting
The first step starts before you even want the pet– resistance to impulse “shopping.” It means that you can never, ever walk into a pet store on “Puppy adoption day,” and you can’t go to the pound “just to look.” It means you have to walk past a free puppy box, and you have to either steel yourself and not look, or steel yourself and look but not come home with one. It means you have to be able to resist the emotional manipulation that friends and family will try to lay on you for not taking in their stray/excess pets.
If someone is trying to give you their unwanted pet, ask yourself why they don’t want the pet themselves. It’s okay to accept an extra pet, but only if you yourself are already in the market for a new companion and family member.
Once you’re in the market, you start to do your research. I say again: Thank god for the Internet– it’s saved many a pet’s life, and contributed to the health and happiness of many others! But also be wary of what you read on the Internet– there are many misinformed individuals and websites out there, and there are also a lot of people with “an agenda” to push.
The first place I start now is Google. When I was looking at dogs, I used AOL, because that’s what I had for the Internet at the time. I search for the type of pet I’m thinking of adopting or acquiring, and “beginner” and “FAQ” and “how to.” Or any combination of those terms. The things I am looking for are:
- FAQs that aren’t put out by pet food companies
- Mailing lists and Yahoo! Groups
- General-interest websites
- Websites that talk about the breeding practices and genetics
- Veterinary articles about common ailments, genetic disorders, or just plain hazards.
I also search on LiveJournal to find the relevant community about that animal, and about.com for related articles. I avoid Usenet, as newsgroups are rarely actually useful anymore, and are just spam-magnets unless heavily moderated. Mailing lists, communities, and FAQs are the best way I know of to get started.
I read the static web page FAQs and join the LiveJournal community and whatever mailing list seems to be active and has the most common version of the name (example: the community here instead of ). Why active and common? Because I want a group that will talk about the common issues and problems frequently, a group a lot of newbies find and ask questions in, so I can jump in and learn right away.
I stay in such communities for at least a month, usually more than that. Before adopting my first greyhound, I was on the mailing list for a year. Before purchasing Zoot, I was in for at least a month.
Question Yourself
I read FAQs and messages carefully and learn about the animal type. I learn about what kind of environment they need, how they respond to their humans and how they interact. I begin a process of questioning myself about the suitability of the pet to my household.
I ask myself if I can genuinely give a good home to this animal. Some animals just aren’t well suited to living in my environment, or they’re not very comfortable in captivity. For instance, I would not keep a snake. It’s not that snakes scare me, but rather that my home, with me working and away from home all day, with my cat around, with the temperature, and with the very delicate environment that snakes thrive in– my home is not a good home for a snake. Similarly, since moving to a house with so many stairs and no fenced yard, I would no longer adopt a greyhound. I love greyhounds, and will always hold a special place in my heart for them, but most greys don’t do stairs very well.
I also look at the current inhabitants when making a decision. I suspect my house would make a lovely aviary– I have vaulted ceilings and a flight path that goes three stories without breaking. But I am personally allergic to feathers, and my cat has a high prey drive. Would it be fair to either of us to bring in a new roommate who makes me break out and would mercilessly tease my kitten? No.
The time commitment can’t be overlooked. How much time does this pet require? A fish needs a few seconds a day for feeding, but once a week its tank needs to be cleaned and the water needs at least a partial change. If the fish ever gets sick, it’ll need more time and care. A cat needs to be fed twice a day, have fresh water, and most importantly, it needs to have someone interacting with it, or it will get bored. Dogs have the additional time commitment of needing to go outdoors to relieve themselves. If you have a fenced yard, that’s a smaller time commitment than if you need to take them out on a leash, but you’ll need to pick up the yard periodically to maintain good hygiene and avoid illness. Again, ask the people you meet online, and also read the FAQs.
Check the Finances
The next step is the financial one. Can I afford a new pet? Not just the cost of buying or adopting, but also the various things– the beds, the toys, the collars, the licenses, the petsitting, the vet bills (which are always higher than you think they will be!), the medications, the emergencies you didn’t even think were possible. Again, research is key here– you must ask the mailing list how much they spend on their pet, how much they think someone else would likely spend. Be clear that you’re asking because you want to be responsible about pet ownership– nobody wants another dog, cat, or guinea pig to end up in the hands of someone who just can’t take care of them.
For a cat or dog, a serious emergency vet visit costs about $3000. I don’t think I’ve gotten out of the emergency hospital for less than that when it was serious. Serious included accidental poisoning, heat stroke, laryngeal paralysis, and the cat’s chest filling with fluid and his blood going septic. When you have a young pet, the emergencies will be fewer, and will most likely be caused by trauma– falling, fights, and car accidents. Keeping a pet indoors or leash-only will reduce those substantially, but as a pet ages, the medical complications increase. A venerable pet (over 10-12 years old for most dogs and cats) will likely have one or two veterinary care visits in the $3000 range per year. Get veterinary insurance when you get your pet to reduce those costs.
Pet food is another cost, and it’s not one to shrug off. The cost of cheap pet food may seem like a bargain, until you are giving pills twice a day to your eight year old cat because he has a chronic urinary tract condition. High quality food means a healthier pet, which means fewer of those $3000 vet bills! Again, ask other pet owners you’ve met either online or in person for their advice.
The cost of small pets adds up, too. I spent $65 on my betta’s first year (bowl, rocks, plants, water conditioner, food, fish, net, gallon jug, measuring spoons, test kits, medications, small bowl to hold him during cleanings, and so on), and then about $175 just in the last month when I upgraded his tank to a 5-gallon cycled, planted, and heated tank with tank mates. Now, the tank mates only cost me about $12– $3 for the fish, and $9 for their food; I already had everything else I needed for them.
Learn the Norms
With every animal, there are things that are done or used to be done which are now considered wrong or abusive. It used to be that people fought bettas against each other, or put them into vases with a plant on top– now, responsible owners know these practices are bad for the bettas and cruel. It used to be that cats were declawed and not altered. Now, responsible cat owners spay or neuter their pets and almost never declaw them (or only with very specific reasons). It used to be that dogs could run around off-leash, but few pet owners consider this to be acceptable anymore. Learn what has changed since you were a child, and what specific things people consider “wrong” as relates to the animal you want as a pet.
You also need to learn what restrictions you have in your area. Is there a license required for your pet? Do you need to keep it on leash? Does your landlord permit pets? If you want to get a fish, does your lease have a limit to the number of gallons you can keep (most do)? Are you zoned for livestock if you want to keep sheep?
Prepare the House
My next step is to look carefully for the right place for the accoutrements of the pet. Where will the litter box be placed? Where will the food dishes go? Is there a sturdy location for the fish tank? How will I keep the terrarium protected from the cat? It helps to go to a pet store and get a sense of how large these items are, how much space they take up in your hands. Always pick them up so when you get home, you will have a tangible sense of scale to work from.
At this point, I’ve spent about a month or so researching the animal. I have probably been looking at websites, at photos, maybe even on petfinder.com, to see what I like or don’t like about the cosmetics, as well as to get familiar with the animal. If I’ve decided this is what I want, and I’ve discussed it with the other human(s) in my household, and they’ve said it’s okay, then I go out and seriously shop for the best home for the pet, the right kind of litterbox, or the right tank and accoutrements.
I take them home and set them up before I get the new pet. It’s very rare that you’ll want to get the pet first, usually when you just don’t know what the pet will need. Remember: If you don’t know, then you aren’t ready for the pet yet!
Selecting a Pet
Having set everything up, cycled the tank if necessary, and made any adjustments to the household, I then go out and find the pet. The frustrating part is that, at this point, I have researched so thoroughly, I’m going to be picky. I won’t accept my mother-in-law’s castoff stray cats, because I know they probably have FeLV, or at the very least are so feral they can’t be touched (her idea of a “good cat” is “a pretty cat with interesting markings”). I won’t go to PetSmart and buy a “pity betta” because it looks sickly and in need of love. Sorry– there are a lot of healthy bettas that won’t mind coming home with me and living for several years in my tank. Similarly, I won’t buy puppy-farm dogs.
I have been known to adopt animals that need special care, but usually that care is known in advance and, because the animal is in need of additional help, the adoption fee is reduced or waived. The adoptive parent knows that the animal will have higher vet bills right away, and the adoption group is usually happy to have someone who understands the special needs of that pet. By this point, I’m so well-versed in this animal’s lore and behavior, it doesn’t matter that I’ve never had one of *this* particular type before. I know what I’m looking at, and I know how to treat the animal right.
I choke every time I read about someone paying $600 or more for a pet-quality purebred puppy with known genetic problems from a breeder. It’s one thing if the breeder has a rescued animal that they want to pass on their vet costs to the adopter, but a breeder who charges for an animal they know isn’t fit to show or breed is just irresponsible and allowing bad genes to remain in the pool. There are enough dogs and cats in the world of every breed that there is no need to encourage genetic diseases to thrive.
In most cases, I’ll aim for an adult animal, because their personalities are already well-established. My old cat and both dogs were already on the tail-end of “middle aged” when they came into my house– they all were well behaved, because the initial puppy/kitten training was out of them. My kitten, on the other hand, has a problem with biting, which I’m trying to figure out how to solve. With fish, you want to adopt younger because in general they are shorter-lived. Birds vary enough that you’ll need to ask a bird expert– I know, for instance, that parrots live for a hundred years or more, and often bond with just one human. Can you plan for a lifetime of companionship to an animal and plan for its care even after you’re dead?
When I adopted my cat Alladin in January, I had a lot of false starts, bad appointments at the SPCA, and generally a whole lot of hassle and half-days at work trying to find an adoptable kitten. It’s not like there weren’t a ton of homeless kittens in my area, but that the places I was looking were too popular and had too many adopters. I ended up going to PetSmart on a Saturday morning and coming home with a 12-week old grey stripey boy.
Bringing Home Baby
I try to bring the new pet home on a weekend, so I’m around to supervise its transition to the new home, and so the rest of the household can get my attention and won’t feel neglected. I always isolate the new pet for a day, so it can become comfortable with the new environment before introducing other distractions and inhabitants. Whoever is going to be responsible for and bond with the new pet must take charge of these initial days of care, supervising carefully and making sure the “rules of the house” are established immediately– no spoiling. If the dog isn’t allowed on the bed, then that starts on Day One, not Day Five after she’s already used to snuggling up and stealing the blankets.
After a day, I start the introductions with the other pets of the household. There are many possible ways to do this; for myself, I tend to prefer a very basic “open the door and make sure each has plenty of room to run away” approach. It seems to work best, and of course different approaches are better for different types of pet.
The big test will be how things go on Monday, when I go back to work. I do a test run by going out with my husband for a few hours on Sunday to see if the pets can co-exist without destruction. When I come home, is the house a disaster? Is anyone hurt, bleeding, or hiding? If so, it’s probably a bad sign for Monday, and they’ll need to be separated during the day for the work-week. Perhaps next weekend, they will be good to go for alone-time. The goal is to get to the point where they can be left alone in the house together. If that means I always have to shut my office door, so be it– though I’d rather adapt the environment if I can, since shutting a door is subject to human error.
About Breeding
With a few exceptions, breeding, intentional or otherwise, is irresponsible pet ownership. Here’s what I mean:
If you have a show-quality pedigree dog, but you are not a professional breeder, the chances are that you don’t know what you’re looking for in a mate for your dog, and don’t know what kinds of genetic combinations will be good or bad for the breed and the resulting puppies’ health.
No pet-quality dog should ever be bred. Ever. If you buy a non-show dog from a breeder, you should have it spayed or neutered. If you want to get closer to your dog and be proud of it for being a champion, teach it obedience and agility– nothing is more rewarding than a well-trained dog who diligently and lovingly follows your command.
The arguments for spay/neutering your cat or dog are many, and I’m sure most people reading this already know them or can find them online. But what about something as simple as a fish? I have a betta fish, and they are supposedly pretty easy to breed. Why don’t I?
If you have ever owned guppies, you already know the math: Two guppies produce, in a month’s time, say six more guppies. Who produce, in about two months’ time, eighteen more guppies. In three months, you have gone from two guppies to twenty-six guppies, and that’s only if your guppies average six to a spawn. Bettas can have about a hundred to a spawn. One. Hundred. And bettas can’t be housed in groups– once the fry are big enough, they have to be moved into separate tanks. Since I’m a responsible owner, I know those tanks need to be big enough for a betta, preferably a gallon or more in size. Who has a hundred tanks ready for fry? Who has the kind of structural support to take 800 additional pounds of weight in their house at the drop of a hat? Not me!
But then there’s the fact that my betta is a “mutt,” like most pet store bettas. I paid about $3.50 for him. He was in great health and was pretty, which was really all I was going for when I bought him– looks, personality, and health. Important things in a pet. Do I care that his tail has no fancy configuration to it? I do not. Should I care? Only if I’m breeding him! If I want such breeding to be financially feasible, I need to know who his parents were, and the pet store employees certainly don’t know. I need to know what to expect from the fry. With all the research and equipment I’d need, I would quickly have to go from “pet owner” to “breeder.”
And finally, I need to be willing to get rid of some fry that aren’t “making it.” Go ahead. Think about it. One hundred fish. Now imagine having to “dispose of” even half of them. You don’t have that many friends who need a fish, do you? Worse– if you do try to give them away to friends, you become the same person who was trying to thrust a new pet on you back when you weren’t ready, interested, or prepared for one!
The solution, grim as it seems, is to kill the extras. The best way to do this is to feed them to some other fish or animal, so at least they aren’t going to waste. It sucks, but there is a cycle of life to it, a certain poetry.
Now imagine that you have a dog and are faced with a litter of puppies that no one will adopt. Oh, yes– you see the problem, don’t you? What kind of monster feeds a golden retriever puppy to anything?
Spay and neuter your pets and control their reproduction. It’s the only way.
When Things Go Wrong
Things happen. It’s true in life. It’s true in parenting– your kid breaks his arm sliding at the playground. You feel terrible. The guilt is overwhelming. Fortunately, we have this thing in our brains that overrides guilt– it’s called panic. In a crisis, it can actually be effective if you don’t let it get the upper hand.
Panic, for all its bad rep, makes us move faster, makes us think faster, makes us consider the possible complications as quickly as we can. Panic makes us identify that the dog is bleeding and grab the dog and put him somewhere uncarpeted and secure before too much damage can be done. Panic is what makes us confine a hurt animal before we even figure out what’s wrong and how serious it is.
Learn how to control your pet in an emergency, how to improvise a muzzle for a pain-panicked dog, how to “hug” a cat into acquiescence. Always have a spare container in case you need to quickly remove and hospitalize a fish if you keep aquariums. Know how to “read” your pet for cues and know what calms them the most. I’m still getting to know Alladin, but I learned recently that, when he’s spooked by new people, talking to him in a softened voice just scares him more. Talk to him like he’s a normal person, the way I do all the time, and he relaxes because that’s a sign that everything is okay and he should’t panic anymore.
Things go wrong sometimes, and it’s unfortunate, but you can’t prevent everything. Since you’ve done your research, you know the main hazards that might afflict your pet and you should know by now the most basic triage– at what point does it require a veterinary visit, and at what point is it simple enough to care for at home? Clipped nails that are bleeding don’t need a vet, but they do need to be treated. A broken tail is borderline– it can be treated at home, but will most likely need amputation anyway, so a visit is called for, and sooner rather than later to prevent an infection. A fever, especially in an infirm animal, should be seen by a vet. Radical behavior changes– from lethargy to rage to incontinence– are major signals that something is not right.
When things go wrong, the important things to focus on are: taking care of your pet, getting them the healing they require. Then find out how it happened, but only so you can prevent it in the future. That’s it. No guilt or recriminations, no punishing someone for leaving the back gate open. Just heal the animal and prevent it from happening again. If it was human error, try to find a more failsafe solution– can you install a gate with a spring to swing shut on its own? My fish Zoot was nearly killed by my cat because I left his tank in a spot where the cat could reach it: my solution was to fix Zoot up and put him into a tank that I couldn’t possibly move (and neither can the cat!) Do I feel bad that he got hurt? Sure. But feeling bad won’t help anyone if I don’t actually do something to prevent it in the future.
Disaster Planning
Part of the “when things go wrong” topic is having an emergency plan for your pets. Everyone should have an emergency disaster plan that addresses the local hazards of their areas and how to survive in case of a disaster. Your evacuation plan must include how you are going to evacuate your pets from your home, how you’re going to care for them if you must evacuate, and where you will go, since few shelters will accept refugees with pets.
A lot of people stayed behind in New Orleans because of their pets. It is irresponsible to leave your pets behind in a disaster, but it is equally irresponsible to endanger yourself in order to not abandon them. If you have a lot of pets, you will probably be forced to leave some behind– this is the best argument I can think of for not over-burdening your household with more pets than you can care for.
Imagine you have thirty seconds to evacuate your home (this is the fire scenario). What will you do? If it’s the middle of the night, where are your pets? My evac plan involves getting myself and my husband out of the house as fast as possible, and ensuring that there is some way for my cat to escape, should he be able to find it.
Now imagine you have an hour– flooding, hurricane, earthquake, whatever. You’re packing up, frenzied– where in your house is a 3-day supply of pet food, water, carrier, and a spare “waste disposal system”? Make sure the pets’ “bug out bag” is next to or inside your own for those emergencies, and find out where you can find shelter for yourself and your pets.
A tip for fish owners: prep a 1-gallon jug full of treated water after every water change/tank cleaning, and in an emergency, drop the fish into the jug. It’s not ideal, but many fish can go for several days without food, and most will survive a few hours at least without a filtration system. Just make sure the jug is marked as undrinkable, and you keep the temperature as constant as possible!
Removing a Pet
Sometimes, you just can’t keep a pet. Your circumstances change in one way or another, and it’s no longer responsible for you to take care of it. Or your pet’s needs outstrip your capabilities. Your options are tough: find a new home for the pet, adjust your life to accommodate your pet, or euthanize your pet.
Most people feel that responsible pet ownership can only mean you will adjust your life for your pet, but I disagree. It is impossible to dictate to someone that their life is less important than their pet’s, or that the inconveniences they will suffer are less than those their pet will undergo should they get a new home. Anyone who has nursed a dying pet to the very end knows the feeling– at some point, you resent the strain such accommodations take on you. You want to cry, because the caretaking it taking too much out of you. This isn’t good for you, but it’s also unhealthy for your pet.
Another example, less end-of-life, is when you have a pet who keeps you from getting adequate housing. After moving every six months, you may be tired of paying an extra $1000 move-in fee, money you seem to never see again, no matter how clean the apartment is when you leave, money that takes you that whole 6 months to save up– or maybe you just never can save it up at all and borrowing is getting impossible. Suddenly, your pet-emergency reserve fund is gone– you’re in a catch-22 where you can’t be responsible if there’s a veterinary emergency, but you also can’t be responsible about housing.
You don’t need to know right away what the limit is, but you will need to know it when you get to it, and understand at some point that you may not be able to take care of your pet anymore. For most pets, the easiest thing to do is to find a new home. For some, especially those particularly bonded to their owners, or with behavior or medical issues that prevent you from finding a home for them… euthanasia’s the only other option. Be sure to check all your options, though, all the rescue groups and humane societies in your area, before you take this step, because you want to make sure you’re taking the best possible choice out of those available.
Grieving a Pet
We grieve for pets at least as much as we grieve for humans, if not more. Pets provide unconditional love and attention, and they never grow tired of being our companions. When your pet dies or leaves you, acknowledge the grief you have for it. Own it. Respect it– grief will do strange things to your mind and heart, but we are spiritually deepened when we embrace the lessons our pets’ passings have to teach us. Pets can teach us how to die with dignity– learn from them and love them for it.
When a pet dies, it is sometimes at the end of a long illness or decline, and we know it’s coming and recognize it. There is little in the world I want more than to be held by someone who loves me when I die peacefully in my sleep, and your pet probably feels the same. Be there with them at the end, and don’t be afraid of sharing that with them.
But sometimes, pets die unexpectedly and suddenly, and we have no time to say goodbye, no time to get comfortable with the idea of this death. The grief will be sharper and much more severe, perhaps tinged with guilt if you weren’t able to be there during the pet’s passing. There’s nothing that can really prepare you for this kind of situation, but if you were there, you probably did whatever you could to save them, and that’s all anyone can ask. Continue to love your pet, and grieve for them, but remember that sometimes things go wrong and you may not have been able to prevent it anyway.
This long long long long long ramble is not directed at anyone in particular. It’s just what goes through my head when people talk about their pets, or when people say “oh, you’re such a good mom to your cat” and I realize what a huge amount of work went into hearing those words.