Poll (adoption and pregnancy)
This is a (potentially triggering) poll re: adoption, unwanted pregnancies, etc. Think hard about your answers, and please answer as honestly as you can, or skip the question if you don’t want to tell me. All questions assume you are in a committed relationship, so pretend you would be in one for this poll:
No one can see your specific answers. All additional comments may be put into comment replies; anonymous commenting is OK.
Edit to add: Nobody needs to explain or defend their answers, either.
cathouse_blues wrote:
I really wish this poll had more “choose more than one” options. For this first question especially there is more than one option I would consider as an equal option.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 7:10 am | Permalink
aerinha wrote:
As an adoptee my answers are undoubtedly somewhat biased; additionally since I got pregnant with my current child prior to our wedding and completely unexpectedly and then got laid off while still in the “grace period” of pregnancy, as it were, I had to answer largely from experience….
I must also mention that I think a lot of my decisions may not have been the best ones at the time! But I’m glad of them.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 7:23 am | Permalink
beginning wrote:
Two notes:
• I have two adopted siblings and therefore am very biased in favor of it, including interracial adoptions (seems like a lot of people vehemently object to that), and almost certainly would adopt children instead of having any that were biologically “mine”. I don’t object to other people having biological children at all, nor would I be distraught if it happened in my case, but morally I’d have a hard time creating another child to feed and care for knowing that there are millions out there who don’t get the love and help they need.
• As someone with chronic health problems, I am 90% certain at this point in my life that me having biological children would be detrimental to my own health (not to mention darn near impossible), and I also would most likely not adopt children due to me not being able to care for them adequately. Having said that, if I did become pregnant (and believe me, I’m planning on doing whatever it takes to prevent that), I would absolutely have the child, and then rely on my family to help me raise and care for it.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:01 am | Permalink
wordweaverlynn wrote:
My answers under the “consider adopting a child out” were hypothetical, but I can imagine several other situations in which it would be a wise idea for the mother and child.
My answers would have been very different ten years ago, while I was still married. I lost my chance to have kids because I refused to expose any offspring of mine to my then-husband’s family and personal craziness.
And some of this was decidedly *not* hypothetical for me. I’ve made some of these decisions. My heart is still ripped ragged from them.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:07 am | Permalink
earthdog wrote:
I second this.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:09 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
Perhaps select the one that you would consider most strongly, then, or you can skip a question if you prefer, of course.
I agree– it’s a really tough poll to answer.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:22 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
That’s okay. I think it’s pretty clear this is not a scientific poll, and is, in fact, all about bias. It’s your choices, your decisions, your considerations. I’m just interested in seeing the trend that people’s personal choices take, if any, understanding that my friends list is going to be slanted anyway.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:25 am | Permalink
wibbble wrote:
I was answering very hypothetically there: can’t get pregnant, as far as we know, and if she did it would definitely be a life-threatening issue. There’s no way she could carry a baby to term, and if she tried it would kill her and the child.
I value my wife more highly than any child, any where.
(Not that that’s hard. I really dislike children and have never wanted them. We could adopt, or arrange a surrogate mother thingy, but we’re much happier without kids. Instead of kids, we can have toys, and fun.)
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:40 am | Permalink
bitterlight wrote:
I didn’t vote in half of those.
Why? I honestly don’t know what I would do if I got pregnant. I know what I wouldn’t do–I wouldn’t adopt the kid out. at this point I’m inclined to say I’d abort but I can’t be sure.
And as for reasons to adopt a kid out–same answer. I don’t want a piece of me and my partner just … floating around out there without us. I want to raise my own kid.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 8:59 am | Permalink
spud31 wrote:
I got pregnant when I was 19. Her father and I don’t believe in abortion, but we talked about giving her up for adoption. But I found that I already had feelings for the little life inside me. I knew after 9 months I wouldn’t be able to give the baby up. It certainly wasn’t easy, and he and I aren’t together, but I’m certainly glad that I kept her and didn’t give her up.
But then I love children. If I ever get married, I intend to have more.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 10:05 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
That’s okay; I didn’t vote in any of them because, while I generally know my own answers, I’m not certain about some of them.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 10:30 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
Getting pregnant– at 19 or any age– seems to be one of those things where, no matter what you decide, your life is going to change, and you’re going to have a very big path that you didn’t take.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 10:32 am | Permalink
halfawake wrote:
I’ll be very honest here: there are several answers here that I simply cannot answer. Why? Because I don’t know what I’d do in that situation.
Also, I think you forgot out a really good choice for one of the questions that I would have chose:
Those who date females: If I were in a committed relationship and my partner became unexpectedly pregnant:
I didn’t answer that question because my answer would be none of the above. In part, it’s something that I cannot know how I’d decide until I’m in that sort of situation. But mostly, my answer would be choice number four: I would let my partner decide what to do with the baby.
I think that’s what being pro choice truly is about. Letting the woman choose. Because face it guys, whatever decision is made affects her much more than it affects us. If she decides to have an abortion, it’s her body that the fetus is taken out of. If she decides to have the baby, she’s the one who gives birth.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 12:54 pm | Permalink
layer wrote:
i couldn’t answer any of them. in every case i believe my answer would depend heavily on the situation.
being in a “commited relationship” isn’t enough information, and i wouldn’t even consider making a decision that big without knowing how my partner felt about it.
Posted on 28-Oct-04 at 4:36 pm | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
But mostly, my answer would be choice number four: I would let my partner decide what to do with the baby.
You’re right: I left out the “I would give no input into her decision and would stay with her regardless of her choice.” I assumed that, if your partner became pregnant, you would want to express an opinion or otherwise help her decide. Bad assumption on my part.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 3:08 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
That’s fine; I think a lot of the questions really do have a strong “it depends” kind of response. For some, though, it doesn’t depend at all on the situation. Ultimately, of course, none of these poll questions are a contract or anything. You could say one thing and actually do something completely different in the same situation, because the circumstances would no longer be hypothetical.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 3:10 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
Unrelated to this poll….
Can I take you to lunch sometime soon? I miss you.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 3:10 am | Permalink
da_moon_goddess wrote:
I didn’t see the option that I would choose.
If my husband and I couldn’t have kids, we might consider adoption, but we might be perfectly fine. We might choose to just travel and deal with the reality that we couldn’t have kids.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 8:46 am | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
Doesn’t that fall under the “I would be sad but would accept it” option? Perhaps you wouldn’t be overcome with grief, but… maybe just a little sad.
Bute yeah, if there’s not a good option, you can always skip the question.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 9:00 am | Permalink
halfawake wrote:
Well…it probably wasn’t a bad assumption. I’m just operating under my current mindset when I say that. I can’t say at all how I’d think if I were in that kind of situation since I’ve never been there, but yeah, it’s something that I’d want input on. But I’d talk it over with her and all.
I think this is just one of those things where you can’t really know what you’d do until you’ve been in that situation. So I don’t know is the only truly accurate answer.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 10:46 am | Permalink
damnitnicole wrote:
For the third question, I might not automatically abort if I was financially prepared to support a child.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 11:53 am | Permalink
ciannait wrote:
My uterus is a No Baby Zone.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 12:35 pm | Permalink
wordweaverlynn wrote:
Yes, I’d love to spend some time with you. Let me look at next week’s schedule. When is good for you?
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 7:07 pm | Permalink
wordweaverlynn wrote:
Face it, *guys*? I’m a woman, and one of my partners is also a woman. Believe me, this is an issue we’ve discussed.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 7:08 pm | Permalink
halfawake wrote:
Um, I was refering specifically to guys because of the fact that we aren’t capable of giving birth. No sexism or anything, it’s just something that is more of an issue for women to worry about than men, as you probably know.
Posted on 29-Oct-04 at 7:27 pm | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
Next week is insane crazy, but lunch time is better, cause it’s in the middle of the work day. I’m busy election day, but free the other days.
Posted on 30-Oct-04 at 1:18 am | Permalink
hangedwoman wrote:
I appreciate Lynn directing me over here; it’s a good thought-provoking poll indeed. I had to really go for the hypothetical for most of my answers, because it turns out it’s highly unlikely I could conceive and carry a child to term, and I’ve long considered myself unsuited emotionally for motherhood (as well as some genetic traits I’d rather not pass on). But at the same time I’ve tried to give myself room to grow and change, so with the right partner, now I would consider adoption. But on my own, I would most likely abort if I accidentally became pregnant.
One hypothetical situation I’ve considered is if I became pregnant while in a relationship that was truly special to me, and my partner died. In that case I would do all I could to carry the child to term, and then give it up for adoption, preferrably to the father’s family. Yes, I spend a lot of time pondering these kinds of hypotheticals.
Posted on 30-Oct-04 at 6:54 pm | Permalink
mortaine wrote:
Yes, I spend a lot of time pondering these kinds of hypotheticals.
I think that’s a good idea, and is probably more common in women who have actually faced that bio-clock ticking (I’ve already faced it once or twice, where my bio-clock did something to surprise me). It helps you be prepared for a situation, if you’ve already mentally addressed it.
Posted on 30-Oct-04 at 11:57 pm | Permalink
earthdog wrote:
Those who date females: If I were in a committed relationship and my partner became unexpectedly pregnant:
What I do not know is how I would react if the woman decided to abort the baby. I have no idea what that would do to a relationship. I seen how some of my friends have reacted to this. The odd thing is that my friends have reacting in ways that I never expected.
Since I am not in a relationship I know I cannot answer this. I feel that my relationship would do a lot to dictate my reaction.
Posted on 31-Oct-04 at 1:10 am | Permalink
kr8vkat wrote:
For most of these, my answer would need to be appended with “It depends…” Especially when it comes to an unexpected pregnancy. I can’t, at this point in time, see myself aborting except in case of rape. I also can’t see myself raising a child by myself, but the chances of me being pregnant and in a committed relationship are getting slimmer every year.
Posted on 31-Oct-04 at 7:30 am | Permalink
gev wrote:
however, they are not entirely ruled out.
It is never my intention to make a baby, though practicing is fun.
If I was in a serious committed thingy, any child process spawning
would be discussed, preferably in a very calm way.
I am not anti-abortion or anti-adoption.
I don’t understand the “we gotta have a house before (or soon after) we can have a baby” thing.
I’ve had a few people tell me I’d be a great father,
and if anyone disagrees, I haven’t heard about it.
I have my doubts, though.
Posted on 02-Nov-04 at 4:24 am | Permalink