Mortaine’s Blog

My alarm clock is dying. Specifically, the Snooze button. When I press it, it slides under the casing of the clock and kind of sticks there. It’s probably a spring that’s lost its tension or something; perhaps it is fixable.

When I was in second or third grade, my parents bought me a red alarm clock AM/FM radio with a bright blue display. This alarm clock is about the size of a football, but not the same shape (obviously). It has a 59-minute Sleep setting for the radio (set it and the radio plays for 59 minutes, then turns off), and a 9-minute snooze button. There is a single alarm that can be set for a beeping or the radio. The snooze button is very large and in the middle of the top of the unit. Almost all the functions have one switch– clock set, alarm set, alarm beep, alarm radio, radio on, radio off. In the back of the radio, there are rarely-used switches to turn the LEDs to be brighter (John thinks the low setting is too bright) and to switch between AM and FM radio bands. The radio tuner is a dial on the right-side of the radio.

When I was in 5th grade, I suffered from horrible nightmares. Poltergeist was the theme, but I’m sure that the trauma of my parents’ divorce, of being a complete social outcast, of losing my grandfather, and hitting puberty all in the same year had something to do with it. My mother was a chronic insomniac, and I noticed that she would fall asleep to the radio in her room. So I started playing mine, very softly, on the Sleep setting, when I’d wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning. Sometimes I’d call the radio station to request a song. I remember “You Belong to the City….” as being a particular favorite. I’d wrap my arms through the bars in my headboard (so the closet couldn’t eat me, of course) and look out my window at the wet pavement on the street below, and listen to my house.

I also had it set to wake me up at 6 or 6:30 in the morning, every morning, all through junior high and high school. Typically, I would hit the snooze button at least twice in the morning, sometimes three times. I distinctly remember in high school I once slept through the alarm, dreaming that it was a chorus of nuns singing. This happened to me sometimes– I would wake up from a dream to discover that a particular noise in the dream was in fact the alarm clock.

I’m going to make a phone post later today so you can all hear this alarm, and I want you to remember that I have actually slept through it in the past. It should give you some idea of how incredibly loud and obnoxious something has to be in order to wake me up.

At various times, I tried using a buzzer-style alarm clock, but with no luck. The worst is when I’m travelling, because hotels usually have a cheap buzzing alarm clock, which is just white noise to my ears.

When I went off to college, my alarm clock was one of the first things I unpacked. It was also one of the first times my clock caused conflict with others, as I accidentally forgot to turn it off one morning when I left the dorm on a Saturday morning– it beeped from about 8:30 until I returned after noon (yes, I would have killed me– I also would have decided to go for a walk or to the library if it was annoying me that much).

I moved out of that dorm hall, much to the relief of everyone, that winter. Believe it or not, it happened again in the new dorm, but my hallmates were also my friends and they forgave me.

My alarm clock has moved from Illinois to Massachusetts to Missouri to California with me. It’s seen me through many boyfriends and a few room-mates and live-in lovers. When I got married 5 years ago, it was what woke me up on my wedding day.

My husband hates this alarm clock and pretty much everything about it, but he doesn’t realize how important it is to me. This clock has been the heartbeat of my schedule since I was 8 years old. It’s been a constant companion for 20 years. I have had few relationships that lasted longer than that. While Bunny Foo-Foo, my childhood favorite stuffed animal, is my most precious possession, my alarm clock is a very close second.

Not only has it been a companion, but it’s been an effective tool. It’s lulled me to sleep when I was so scared I could barely breathe. Its friendly glow has made it so I could navigate to my bed in the dark, even without my glasses, and has banished any “lurking in the shadows” nightmares whenever I needed them banished. I’ve bounced around my room to its music in the morning, and no matter how incredibly obnoxious the beeping alarm may be, it has faithfully and effectively woken me up every day.

I’m going to miss my alarm clock, even as I shop for a replacement. I can already see that a store’s return policy is going to be instrumental in determining whether I can buy a clock there, as I’ll need to try one out at least overnight before knowing if it’s able to meet my needs. I’m not sure how much input I want from John, either. Right now, at least, he’s very anti-world about a lot of things, and I just have this feeling that any clock radio we attempt to buy together will result in an impasse. Partly this is because we’re not terribly compatible in our requirements. I need the loudest alarm in the world, and he’d do perfectly fine waking up under his own power at 7:30 every morning (my alarm goes off at 7– otherwise, he could just peacefully wake up before me…).

Age: 29
Where’d you grow up: Evanston, IL.

Where I’ve put in more than item, it’s either because I use a different word in different circumstances (noted in answers), or I use them interchangeably.

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks? Creek or Crick when I’m visiting my relations in Missouri and Tennessee.

2. What the thing you push around the grocery store? cart. Or husband.

3. A metal container to carry a meal in? Lunchbox.

4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in? Frying pan, because I don’t have a skillet (there’s a difference).

5. The piece of furniture that seats three people? Couch or sofa

6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof? Gutters.

7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening? Porch. If screened, the “Screen(ed) porch.” If paved instead of a wooden floor, it’s a patio.

8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages? “Sprite” or other drink-specific name.

9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup? Pancake.

10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself? Sub. Or Sandwich. Or Grinder, if it’s got lots of greasy meat in it.

11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach? Bathing suit. More specific: Speedo if it’s the little tight thing, swim trunks if it’s baggy.

12. Shoes worn for sports? Running shoes. Or Walking shoes. Or Wrestling shoes– I wear specific shoes for specific sports.

13. Putting a room in order? Decluttering.

14. A flying insect that glows in the dark? Firefly or Lightning bug.

15. The little insect that curls up into a ball? Pill bug.

16. The children’s playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down? Seesaw.

17. How do you eat your pizza? Pick up by the crusty end and eat it starting at the point– sometimes use a fork and knife, especially for the first few hot bites.

18. What’s it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff? Yard sale.

19. What’s the evening meal? Dinner.

20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are?
Basement or cellar– cellar if it’s not a usable space.

21. An unusually heavy rain which does not last long. Storm.

22. A window covering on rollers that pulls down. Shade.

23. A new, limited access, multi-lane road. Highway or freeway. Interstate if it’s also an Interstate.

24. Heavy garments worn for work. Overalls or Jumpsuit.