Mortaine’s Blog

You can all thank for this.

Bananas are one of my favorite fruits. Where would Carmen Miranda be without a banana on her hat? How would millions of first-graders call each other if they didn’t have the banana phone? What would pacifist kids shoot other pacifist kids with if they had no banana guns (instead of toy guns, of course, which their moms forbade)?

Bananas are full of good things, vitamins, especially potassium, which is essential for preventing muscle cramps after rigorous workouts, or your more common variety of midnight Charley Horses. They’re also very tasty, and the range of “edible” for a banana is fairly wide, at least to my palate. I know there are many people who have to eat them when they’re exactly yellow with no green or brown anywhere, but I’m more realistic. The day you bring them home from the store, bananas are usually a little green, and therefore a little chalky. You don’t want to eat more than one or you’ll get sick, but you can sure eat the one.

The day before you throw the bananas away (or feed them to the dog– who loves bananas, by the way), they’re soft, speckled brown, but not “wet” by any stretch of the imagination. There might even be one or two brown spots on the banana itself (no bigger than a fingernail, and no darker than a light bruise, or it’s not edible anymore). But by and large, you can still eat a decaying banana.

However, there are some banana horror stories. Like the girl who ate a banana and there was a spider in it and she got sick. Which would be an urban legend if it hadn’t happened to my sister in kindergarten. Or the banana I found stuck to the bottom of my locker at the end of a semester– that thing was a horror movie all on its own.

Bananas are a very portable fruit. You can take a bunch of bananas camping and expect to have fresh fruit on the last day of your trip. They need no refrigeration– being a tropical fruit, they brown more readily in the cold. They’re a little fragile in the compression sense, but if you can keep them from getting crushed (perhaps by hanging them off the back of your pack), you will have fresh, healthy fruit all weekend long.

And if you get lost in the wilderness, you can always use one to call for help.

I’m bored. Yes, bored. I finished a manual today and submitted it, and it’s nigh-impossible for me to work on another one so close to quittin’ time, plus I’ve had Red Vines and a Granola bar for lunch, so I wouldn’t count on me having the concentration of a fruit fly. And none of you are updating right now to keep me entertained. SO: you all must either post an update or something interesting for me to read (doesn’t have to be you being interesting– point me to a link you find interesting), or suggest something for me to write about.

1. Is the name you have now the same name that’s on your birth certificate? If not, what’s changed?
No. I replaced my birth middle name with my “maiden” name when I got married.

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?
I did change– I hated my middle name and got rid of it as soon as I could.

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)
I think Judy Dodds, my mother’s teacher friend from Gregory School, was the one who named me. My middle name is taken from a diabetic uncle on my mom’s side whom she liked. A word to of caution: Do not name any part of a little girl after a favored uncle.

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?
I really hate affected names. I hate that you can go to a pagan conention and run a PA announcement to tell “Morgan” or “Raven” that they left their lights on, and sudenly have the convention hall clear out.

Ironically, I love female names that are somewhat androgynous, as long as there’s a feminine form that a girl can use. I love the name Isobel.

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn’t it?

Your name of Stephanie gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality.

This is pretty accurate about my idealism and cultural aspirations, and especially about procrastination. I won’t do anything to avoid a conflict, but I choose certain types of conflicts to engage in, and avoid the others. I can make decisions, but I prefer the support and approval of trusted friends (isn’t this true of everyone, though).

Where it breaks down is about communication: My feelings are not easily hurt. When they are, I do not withdraw– I’m usuall bitching and screaming about it all over town. I do not find it difficult to express myself verbally, and would prefer a job that provided more opportunities for public speaking and verbal expression. It is natural for me to express myself in writing, but it is equally natural for me to speak.

Inner conflict has little bearing on my physical vitality. I have no physical vitality to deplete.

I was planning to write a choose-your-own-adventure erotic novel this year for NaNoWriMo. I was even starting to plot it out, plan out my story lines, etc.

And then my little science fiction story I wrote a while ago, about a floating ball with eye tentacles, sideswiped me pretty damn good, thanks to my friend Inga.

So now, I’m outlining.

Sadly, I haven’t got a creative plot bone in my entire body, so the plot will essentially be the same as the plot from last year’s novel, which is the same as every Hollywood action and science fiction movie ever made. It’s unfortunate, but what am I gonna do, anyway? I can’t seem to find a plot with both hands, a flashlight, and a GPS, so I just have to steal one from the movies.

I *really* need help with writing decent plots. I never realized what a problem this is for me until recently. Now I can see– I’m just awful at having anything *happen*, yet my writing isn’t so brilliant or beautiful that I can get away with having nothing happen at all.

Anyone with good plot resources, books, workshops, anything, please advise. I’m really stumped.

Well, I just went to try to play dulcimer for 15 minutes, and I just could not get into it. Too hot. Too sad (by all the drahmah that I just learned about), too whatever.

Probably too dehydrated; I was definitely not feeling “quite right” after my blood donation this evening.

Realized after the donation that I can’t move the china cabinet– no heavy lifting for many hours after donating blood.

Think I’ll go move the little things– glasses and wine bottles– that need to be moved out of the cabinet to make it moveable.

I should devote a shelf in my office to music books. You know I want to.
Ooh– and I can! I got an additional bookcase when we moved everything around. AHA!