Mortaine’s Blog

I am writing to you from the vantage point of 16 years in your future. I have two things to offer to you:

1. Things will get better. They will, I promise, though at no point when someone says “it gets better” will that actually be true. Your boobs will never be perfect, but you’ll fix them and be done with it when you’re 16. In about a year, you will have an experience that will change your life. People will still treat you like a leper. The good news is, you won’t care. You will eventually find love and happiness, and you will get to be a full-time writer.

2. Things will get worse. I promise. In general, people are horrid creatures bent on destroying everything they touch, and that will never change. You’ll need all of your wits about you, and you’ll need to trust yourself immensely to make it through, but you’ll do it. You’ll make it, and you’ll be able to survive anything.

Now, for some advice:
Stop being such a stuck-up brat. You’re 12 for crying out loud– go be smart, but stop rubbing everyone’s face in it.
It was not your fault that your grandfather died. People die. Last week by my timeline, he would have been 100 years old. Do you think he would have lived to 100? Me neither. People die. Life goes on.
Don’t trust your aunt– she’s poison. I’m not kidding. Be skeptical of her and her motives and you might spare yourself a bit of agony later. Probably not, but maybe.
Your sister is your best friend. There’s a reason you didn’t throw that shoe at her face when you were 8. Remember that, as I know you will. You can fight, but you will lean on each other and need each other more than any other person in the world.
It’s okay to like girls. It’s okay to like boys. It’s okay to not like little kids.
Your period will only get better once you get on the pill. Please don’t wait until you’re 17 to do so.
Lay off the sugar. It’s killing us. They say that what you eat affects your health for 15 years into the future– this is true. Quit now and start exercising– any exercising– so you don’t turn into a blob.
Buy stock in Apple Computers today. And then sell it in 1995, before it completely tanks.