Mortaine’s Blog

I wanted to go to a fish store today to look at bettas, with the possible undecided plan of maybe getting one for my cubicle.

So, I searched for an aquarium store, someplace specifically catering to fish-keepers, download and print directions, and on my lunch hour, I head out.

The place is less than 9 miles away. I printed the “avoid freeway” directions because I didn’t feel like dealing with freeway traffic.

Unfortunately, this meant I spent about 10 minutes parked at the stoplight just before the airport. Because the far left lane turns left, away from the airport, and people are too fucking stupid to realize this from the signs and basically fuck up traffic cutting into the other left turn lane. Bastards. Also, there is now one way to approach the airport, so there are about 4 times as many cars as the roads were designed to handle.

And I get going on the next leg of my trip, my blood pressure rising with every stop light, and there is no fucking way to turn right onto Hedding. There’s a detour, but it goes off to the left. Fuckers. Fuck ‘em for blocking off the street, and fuck Mapquest for not knowing about the construction that’s been going on for 2 1/2 years!

Fuck.

I get all the way down to where I was trying to go and realize that I really don’t know that I want to even go in. You know how you get that feeling that something’s not right about a place? I mean, the sign outside was rusted. The blinds were closed (which makes a certain amount of sense for regulating tank temps). I had this general sense of “secret import/export smuggling shop in the backroom that you don’t know about” when I pulled into hte driveway.

So I left. At this point, I have about 10 minutes left in my lunch hour, so I stop at 7-11 and buy hot dogs and cookies for my lunch (oh, yum). Yes, I am guaranteed to regret this later, as the hot dogs weren’t really even red, more of a ruddy brown with a very slight greenish tint that I chose to ignore.

The cookies, by the way, were excellent. 3 oatmeal cookies. They charged me 33 cents for them, which might have been a mistake on their part, but hey– they sold me green hot dogs, okay?

I headed back up to Milpitas, this time taking the freeway (880, as usual, having a traffic jam where the construction is, right before my exit). I pull in about 10 minutes late from my lunch break.

Frankly, I am just relieved to be out of the car and not stuck in traffic getting hot (today is a particularly warm and sunny January day) and pissed off (which goes without saying, really, except I said it).

More answers to the Ask Anything poll. You can still go ask a question there!

: What does your families (your’s and your spouse’s) familes think about the adult video business, and do you think it has had an effect on you and your spouse? (i.e. changed the way you perceived “the business”)

I suspect that my family does not approve, but in a way that makes them feel a little guilty for not approving, because it’s not at all like any of the moral guidelines I was raised by say that sex is wrong, or that looking at sex is wrong, or anything like that. But there is still a stigma to it. I’m pretty sure they won’t tell anyone who lives around them what he does.

To my face, they are supportive, but mostly non-committal. I’m critical enough of his business that they don’t need to “help.” They probably worry about me, or the kinds of people I’m associating with as a result, but to be perfectly honest, it’s just like any online business. I’ve never met any of his suppliers. I’ve never met any porn stars because of his business.

I don’t know how his family feels about it, honestly. Probably okay, but not great. Most of his family are more conservative than mine, at least out loud.

As for how it’s changed our perceptions of the business– a lot. John has certainly done his research, and the industry is a lot less dangerous and exploitative than I had originally thought. I’m still critical of it, of course, but that’s good– it keeps things level around here. John has voiced his criticisms for me when he felt I was being taken advantage of in various jobs and volunteer work.

It has also made him a lot more political, I must say. John is amusing this way– he would never have thought of taking any political action before, but now the business he’s in is an easy target for anti-free-speech parties, so he rigorously defends his livelihood however he can. Ultimately, it’s about protecting his job and business and income, although I think he’s glad to be acting towards the common good at the same time.

I still don’t watch porn, though.

: What are your favorite TV shows?

: If you could have sexual relations with any two celebrities at one time, who would they be?

Just for you on this one, how about the two Orlandos? Orlando Bloom + Orlando Jones? One for the sex, the other just for talk.
: If you could keep only one of your current posessions, what would it be and why?

Oooooh. Tough one. I’m going to discount the dog and the cat here, because they’re not possessions, and because you just don’t weigh the existence of a living being against that of an inanimate object.

There are very few physical objects in my possession that are truly irreplaceable. Even Isabel, my bass clarinet, could be replaced with a different instrument. Although it would not be the same as Isabel, it would still serve the function that Isabel serves.

My game books, notes, campaigns– they’re all replaceable. I haven’t built any worlds so extensively that I could never replace them.

My furniture consists of antiques, from my grandmother. I love them all very much. But yeah, I could replace them or live without them if I had to.

I would be very sad to lose all of my photographs, but life goes on. Those are irreplaceable, which is why I keep the negatives in a safe, fire/heat-retardant place. The same is true of my genealogy materials, though those, too, can be replaced.

My wedding ring is insured– I could lose it without fear. My books– oh, yes, I would weep for the signed copy of Blacks (Gwendolyn Brooks), and my college notebooks that have all my lernin’ in them.

However, there is a friend of mine who has been with me through my entire life. She’s been a partner, a pal, my deepest heart, my closest confidante. When I was scared or nervous, I would take it out on her, and she has been to Scotland, England, Germany, Switzerland, the Virgin Islands, the Bahamas, Jamaica, and every U.S. state that I’ve been to on her little passport. She’s been lost in a tornado, on a hundred and one camping trips, “borrowed” by a dog…. My favorite stuffed animal, received when I was about 5 years old, Bunny Foo Foo. I could not replace her, and losing her would be a real break to my heart, even now. 28 years old and I still have my favorite stuffed animal.

I’ll post a pic sometime later, because she’s special. I don’t know where her passport is, though.

m: I don’t remember. I was diddling around one day while looking for a job, and I stumbled on , tried it out, decided it wasn’t going to be a good fit, and meandered to where I could help out. I got more and more involved because I have a lot of web design experience and could help with the custom style requests a lot. So I did. And got points. And this thing is incredibly addictive, so I just kept going.

: If you could sleep with anyone in the world, past or present, real or fictional - who would you sleep with? Gah. Just one?

Seriously, most of my “anyone in the world” fantasies involve a deep conversation over tea. I think David Bowie, just off the set from Labyrinth would be okay. Or Spike– he’s fine. Yep. Umm….. I could actually make quite a list including the dead and/or fictional ones as well. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind shagging old Gandolf a time or….. just kidding.

For my “lesbian sex with anyone,” probably Yuna from FFX, Jessica Alba, or Geena Davis (but I’d rather just talk with her!)

If you still want to, you can ask me a question!

I guess not too many folks wanted to ask me much….

: What or Who do you believe in?
I believe in myself. Seriously, I believe in some core values that I can’t totally express right now, but which basically boil down to Because its the Right Thing To Do. Helping strangers. Caring for the environment, and people/animals that are not as strong as I am. I believe in being a champion, or in living my life the way I think a hero should live. I also believe in being a good friend, and in being honest– even honest about my own faults and shortcomings. I believe in the tenets of the American Constitution.

Spiritually, I am an atheist. I don’t believe in a higher power, at least not one higher than me and society (although I will acknowledge the possibility of higher alien lifeforms). That’s not me rebelling against an upbringing– it’s me embracing it. My grandfather was a staunch atheist who taught his kids and grandkids to question anything unproven and unprovable.

Pardon me while I segue into a discussion of something supernatural that I do believe in….

I believe in magic, but as a principle of science. I believe I am slightly precognitive in very limited ways. Occasionally you’ll see a precognition post in my journal of me trying to document something that I perceive as a potentially precognitive dream (like the SuperBowl). Unfortunately, most of my precog dreams are not something I notice until it’s too late (you have to report a precog dream before the thing happens, or it doesn’t really “count”). The two most traumatic experiences in my life were prefaced by a precognitive dream.

Almost every precog I know of (including myself) reported some sort of precognitive episode before 9/11.In my case, the dream was concurrent with the incident, which is unusual for me and may in fact have more to do with the collective human consciousness than with a precognition. One of my friends remarked that I might have heard the screaming on the television or something and it worked its way into my dream, and I pointed out that the TV was off. In my case, it would be more like hearing the screaming of people thousands of miles away.

The video tape of bin Laden discusses how operatives all over had had dreams about planes hitting a building for several weeks in advance of the attack.We have to suspect any such information, as it could be a code or message transmitted through the tape, or might have indicated the operatives’ prior knowledge (someone picking up on unspoken clues from those around them, for example– another instance of collective consciousness, but more direct).

Random number generators world-wide (working on an unrelated project) registered a “spike” in data for about 4 hours when the planes hit. The “spike” basically is from all of the random number generators coming up with generally the same number patterns at the same time, all over the world. The patterns are close enough to be more than the error range, but small enough to not constitute hard proof.

With that information, my own experience, and the reports from other precogs who have come forward (usually people who don’t need or want exposure, like me), I have to admit there is something we haven’t discovered yet about the world.

: What do you think the next meme will be you post?
Well, I already posted my Weatherpixie, and technically this is part II of the same meme. I tend to stay away from Quizilla quizzes, so most of my weird memes are things that I see on my friends’ pages. Perhaps my next one will be something I see on yours!

: Why are you not teaching now?
I was a TA for a year and a half at San Jose State University, teaching English 1A (for 2 semesters), then English 1B (1 semester). In March of 2001, my husband was laid off from his job, and we began our financial free-fall. I had 1 semester left, and decided to give it a go, finish my classes, and teach for a last semester before deciding what to do next.

Meanwhile, he decided to work on the Next Big Thing, and in August, 2001, he and some friends started a new business, Adult Video Nation. Starting an adult DVD shop in the fall turned out to be a good choice, as they grew nicely during the winter of 2001.

Meanwhile, 2001 was turning into the worst year ever. I’d been sick almost every month, landing in the ER in mid-summer because of a stomach thing (it took me about 2 months before I felt “normal” again). In the spring term, everything went wrong– I got sick a week before school started. My younger dog ate a bottle of pills during the second week of classes, causing me to miss a day of work, I got strep two weeks later, and my older dog died at the end of that month. It was not a good term.

Two and a half weeks into the Fall term, 4 planes were hijacked and I actually had to go in and teach on September 12. I was in shock and unable to really function for a couple of weeks, yet the semester still plugged forward, assignments were still due, students were still there.

I never felt like I ever caught up. I ended up handing in their grades on Christmas Eve, I was so late grading their papers. They deserved better, but so did I.

After the term ended, it was clear that we weren’t going to be able to financially support me teaching anymore. John wasn’t pulling a paycheck from work– in fact, he was investing our savings in it. I needed a job, and I didn’t want to freelance anymore. It’s too stressful, and I wanted a 9-to-5 commitment where I could get into a routine and just do it. I started looking at the beginning of January, and in March I was called in for my interviews.

There was a chance that this spring term could have had me teaching a science fiction literature course, which I helped develop, but budget cuts meant that only one section was offered, and it was taught by SJSU’s excellent tenured SF/F professor, Dr. Stork (who taught me Old English, by the way, and is a very wonderful person).

In a way, I could say that I’m not teaching because of finances and budget cuts. The reality is that I enjoy teaching, but I just can’t get enough of the good out of it. I think I could be happier training people, because the pay is better and the classes are shorter (days or weeks, not months). Also, Freshman Composition means reading and grading hundreds of essays each semester, which is very demanding and draining work. I found my writing skills suffered immensely when I was teaching, to the point where I would have to put away the essays for a week or two at a time, just so I could write my own graduate-level papers. I would love to teach the science fiction literature class, however, and hope the budget isn’t completely gutted for the fall term.

So this is another one of those poll memes that circulates around and around.

You can ask me any question, and I’ll post an answer later on. You can ask anonymously or not– your choice.

Typically with this meme, the answerer doesn’t state the question, but if you give permission in the poll, I’ll state the question (anonymous or not, as you decide).

An example:
asks “What is your favorite color?” and says “Go ahead, but keep me anonymous.”

My answer: “r: What is your favorite color? My favorite color is purple, but I also love greens and blues. I love deep, rich colors, like dark red and maroon.”

The “r” is to let know that the answer is for her (yes, it could also be for or any other r-starting person answering the poll, which is why you have to check carefully).

Well, while I didn’t get the decks done (they were totally drenched when I got there– it looked like it had rained, but only on that apartment!) I did replace my headlamp.

It should have been a lot easier. It would have been if they had used just ONE diagram in my car manual to tell me “This is the part you turn counter-clockwise.” Because I was tearing my hands apart trying to turn the bulb– which definitely does not turn in that fitting– instead of the retaining ring– which turns easily and comes off.

Grrr.

Anyway, that’s two car items off the list. Next: a RainEx coating to prevent water from streaking on my windshield (I replaced the wipers yesterday). I think then I’ll take a look at the fuses and make sure none of them are particularly malfunctioning; that might be one cause of the weird electrical ghosts in my car.