Am here
03-Oct-02
I am here in Illinois now. I spent yesterday in Evanston and Wilmette, and this morning in Evanston. When I am here, I feel like I’m in a haunted house, and then I realize that I’m the ghost.
Suck.
The aunt did, in fact, go to the service last night. My friends were kind and shuffled me out to the porch when she arrived, and gave me the all clear when she came back. I kind of wish I’d been strong enough to stay, but I don’t know who was being protected in this case– me, her, or my friend’s family. Argh. And my friend’s aunt today asked a question that had me almost saying some very catty things, but my friend basically jumped in and very adamantly declared I would not start, because she would not be getting in the middle of this, not today, not now, not after 10 years, etc. etc. etc.
And, well, that kind of sucked, too. Because I wasn’t going to get into it. I was going to tell her that she should probably ask my friend or her dad, since I wouldn’t be objective or even be informed at this point anyway. And it was basically a way for my friend to express how she really felt about the tension last night, with me having to hang out on the porch and such.
I kind of just felt. . . bad. A little unwanted. A lot out of place.
I wish things were easier.
I’m in Bolingbrook now, visiting my brother and his family. The boys just got home from school, and my sister in law will be picking up the girls in a few minutes. I am. . . . tired. The boys don’t remember me, but I understand– it’s been about 4 years since they saw me.
Well, that’s it for now. It’s easier here, visiting family. My sis-in-law has been very friendly and welcoming to me, which is appreciated. There has been no awkwardness at all. More on the awkward stuff later, after I get a chance to think about it, I think.