Art supply organizing
15-Sep-02
Well, I finished the cloth pencil case for my PrismaColors. As expected, there are about 20 pencils that Just Don’t Fit, so I put them into the pencil case I was using for the rest of my drawing pencils (my 4Bs and such), and closed everything up. I even added a button to the pencil case– it’s so snazzy, and made almost entirely from scraps and leftovers. The only thing I bought was thread– which was freakishly expensive at our local “we think we’re a sewing shop, but we only sell cotton print cloth, and are really just for quilters” store.
My best friend’s husband called to let me know that her mom’s tumors (now plural) are on her spine and, well, it’s a matter of pain management and time now. Erk. So, I will be going out to Chicago sometime fairly soon, I’m sure, either for moral support during final days, or for the funeral. Erk.
OK, my heart is breaking over this, and not just because I’m hurting for my friend. I’m also hurting because I know this is going to be a Big Fat Deal, even though I just want to be able to go and be supportive and loving to my friend. Her mom is friends with my Evil Aunt, with whom I have not spoken in about 10 years, and with whom I have no wish to have any sort of relationship. Problem: Evil Aunt is mentally ill and an attorney, and very very angry/hurt that I won’t be her little lackey-girl (and, by the way, hurt my mom in so doing). Problem 2: Evil Aunt goes just insane when people die– she’s extremely manipulative, and she uses death and various death rites (funerals, etc.) as a way to hurt people close to her. Problem 3: Last year, I had panic attacks for about 2 months in anticipation of seeing her at my cousin’s wedding. She backed out of going at the last minute (yes, because of me), which made the panic attacks disappear overnight. But I’m worried that they will come back now that I know, almost for certain, that I will have to see her in a few weeks again. Urg.
And, I probably need to add, that this whole crap with my Evil Aunt is meaningless when it comes right down to it– I don’t give a damn how she reacts to me being there, and I have no fear of her at all. Yeah, my nightmares tell me otherwise, but lately she has become far less menacing in my nightmares, and much weaker– probably my subconscious telling me that it’s OK to stand up to her. She’s made a few attempts in the last couple of years to reach out to me and to my sister, especially last year. Last year, she sent my sister flowers on her birthday and toys for the kids. This was right after my sister had had her baby, and was very vulnerable. She didn’t need to have those emotions thrown at her right then, which is exactly why Evil Aunt tried to act then.
Of course, Evil Aunt did not do anything when they brought Austin home from Russia, which is pretty much unforgivable. It’s real simple: Austin is their son, and the day they brought him home was as important as the day Jenny went home from the hospital with Elizabeth. End of story. Anyone who didn’t realize how important that was and suddenly tries to make their way into Jenny’s life now has a very steep uphill battle to fight.
Oh, and if I really have a hard time with her, I’ll just start RPing Lyon, my D&D character who I played for 4 years and who could intimidate the hell out of anybody, in the hold of a slave ship or in the court of the Queen of the Elves.
Fairport Convention tomorrow. Yay.