Mortaine’s Blog

This is a story idea I had based on the dream I had last night.

A woman is married to an older man who is absolutely domineering. She’s blond (Laura Dern?), pretty, and childless (? maybe?).

They live in a large Victorian-style house out in New England, where he absolutely forbids her to see anyone or go anywhere. This is especially true after someone (a child? a parent?) has recently departed, either for college or in death– not sure.

Her life is very lonely, as only this one, domineering and abusive man is her only companion. Eventually, perhaps even without deciding to do so, she starts trying to leave. Note: this woman is very old-fashioned, like her spouse– it hardly even occurs to her that this is considered abuse.

First, it’s a normal attempt at regular freedoms– like going to the store on her own. These are prevented.

Later, it’s little attempts to get time to herself, away from him. Sitting out in the backyard. Or jumping the fence to the neighbor’s yard (a practice which rsults in her own backyard becoming prohibited).

For some reason, this woman is very physically fit– perhaps from some hobby or activity from her youth that made her very toned.

Eventually, she gets to the point where sitting on the highest roof of the house is her own escape.

And just as with the backyard, jumping isn’t something she really thinks about, but rather just does, without thinking.

She spends a few years in a mental hospital, placed there by her old-fashioned husband who thinks insane asylums still do shock therapy. In fact, this one may still do those things in extreme cases, but mental health industry reforms come during her stay, the place gets bought, whatever, and she gets Therapy to the point where she can feel strong enough to make a safe place for herself in the world.

Years later, she returns to the house, a stronger, more determined woman. She returns, to find that her husband is a broken shell of who he used to be (or her perspective has changed). She has him placed in a hospital, and files for either divorce or an annulment. When she learns that they have over $10 million in assets, she does not relent– she wants it all, and points out that if he fights her on this, she will sue him for everything for having made her his sexual slave for so many years. She has no mercy on him– he ends up in a state hospital, dying.

Whereas she ends up returning to the house, a place of ghosts for her, but which she really feels she must return to. She starts putting her life back together, eventually reuniting with her son & daughter (? this is why I don’t know if she’s childless or not).

A story of recovery? Revenge? Healing?

OK, I just finished reading The Scarlet Letter last night, and I wanted to kind of throw my thoughts out on the novel. First off, let me begin by saying that I had not read The Scarlet Letter before, though I had read “Young Goodman Brown,” which is Hawthorne’s short story about the devil, set in New England.

Anyway, I had seen the movie with Demi Moore, and thought it was good. Oh, how I wish I had read the book first. Here is a case where watching the movie without reading the book can really ruin the whole story! Ack! Demi Moore makes an OK Hester Prynne, though she is really too sensual an actress to carry off the later Hester (the one after wearing the letter for 7 years, though in the movie it seems more like 2?)

Anyway, enough of the movie/book review. My second hurtle in reading the book was time. I started the book, then finished it about 6 months later. I had forgotten many things. Fortunately, the book is short, and I was able to speed-skim the previous chapters to jog my memory. Still, I wonder if I would have gotten more out of the book if I’d read it straight through.

In any case, some thoughts:

The letter is the external mark of the internal sin– that much is stated outright by Hawthorne. But it is also a double-mark: the mark of sin and of shame, and also the mark of love and passion and intimacy. Pearl, too, is that type of external mark, and her personality is so over-done in its changeability, that one wonders if Hawthorne was setting out to portray an autistic child. A year ago, I read a terrific article (in researching criticism of an Ursula LeGuin short story) about autism and artistic ability. The disassociation of the autistic child from its mother, as described in the article, leads me to believe that Pearl really is autistic in her alienation from all of society, and especially in Hawthorne’s repeated descriptions of her loving estrangement from her mother. Many times, she is described in terms of not really connecting with her mother, sometimes even to her mother’s added sorrow.

But then, Pearl is also a symbol of Hester’s sin and passion– is this estrangement also the estrangement of Pearl’s father, the Reverend Dimmesdale? Or is it the estrangement of Hester from herself– the estrangement of a woman who knows she has done something immoral, but who is now, as a result, questioning the very morality of the world and society around her? Certainly, Hawthorne hints that Hester’s unique place inside and on the borders of her society has given her the perspective to be critical of society, and to consider other alternatives to what she sees around her.

Merging into queer theory, then, Hester is the transgressive figure– the out/not-out sexualized being. Her story, like so many homosexuals and trans-gendered narratives, is one of being shoved out, while still trying to hold true to herself. Ultimately, Hester’s voice, like that of so many other sexual and non-sexual minority identities, is the voice of criticism and reproach for the dominant society’s behavior and beliefs.

And, like so many minority voices, Hester’s voice goes unheard, and is almost entirely silent through much of the book and especially at the end, where she has taken on a role of untouchable female hermit– not unlike the cloistered nuns of the Catholic lands– or a saint.

The very last chapter of the novel really befuddled me, however, as it seemed to have no bearing on the story of Hester, or even of the town itself at all, except to make a very short statement about hypocrisy. I don’t entirely understand why this vignette– which stands alone even better than it does as part of the novel– should appear at the end of the novel, and I wonder if it’s an editorial decision not explained in the small and unfootnoted edition that I was reading.

Today is my mother’s birthday. I won’t say how old she is, but I will say that I hope when I’m her age I’m as happy about it as she seems to be!

We went rafting again yesterday– a 1-day trip this time. Left Friday night, drove up to the stie, and camped overnight, just the 2 of us. In the morning, our friends arrived. In all, there were 10 of us– 5 couples– in our little group (there were more rafters, of course). I didn’t know some of the other folks that well, but we had a good time anyway.

It was interesting to notice that each of the couples consisted of an introvert and an extrovert, and that they worked well together. I think maybe that’s one of the secrets of success in marriage– you have to match your personality (introvert or extrovert) with someone who is opposite you. If you’re very strongly an extrovert, like my friend Pradeep, then your perfect match (Jeanette) is a strong introvert. If you’re a weak extrovert, meaning you’re closer to the “middle” on the intro/extro scale, then you’re best suited with a weak introvert, someone who isn’t entirely an introvert, but is more of an introvert than an extrovert.

John & I are well matched– I’m an extrovert with some introvert tendencies, and he’s an introvert with some extrovert tendencies. When I was younger, I was definitely an introvert– even on family vacations I would rather curl up with a notebook and write stories than be involved in what other people were doing. That wasn’t just annoyance at my family, either, because it was pretty much my favorite vacation; settle down with a good book. In fact, that’s a pretty good vacation for me now, except that the “good books” I bring along are books for school or work, and I just don’t get inspired to read them when I’m in Las Vegas or on vacation.

It’s also interesting to read livejournal entries and learn about the people in them, whether they’re introverts or extroverts. I mean, journalling is a pretty introverted thing to do– a journal is a private thing that people use to express themselves and their thoughts and feelings.

But posting it on the web is a major exposure, and something that most introverts are not comfortable doing. So, in that sense, it’s an extrovert’s activity.

I suspect that the types of entries in the journals is the real clue as to whether or not someone is an introvert or an extrovert. When I write my journal entries, I write them in clear English, with few misspellings and typos, and using fairly correct grammar. I write as if I am writing to someone, and in a way, I am. Actually, when I write my journal entries, I write them as if my fellow LJ journaller, satanstoystore, is going to read them, because he’s the most consistent reader of my journal so far. Even though I’ve never met him, I feel comfortable expressing my thoughts on life and the universe in general as if I were writing to him.

One thing that’s a real clue for me that someone is either an introvert, or is expressing their introvert tendencies in their livejournal: writing so directly to a person that it’s unclear what happened. I see this frequently in LJ entries that follow some really big or intense event in a relationship. The LJ user enters his or her thoughts on the event, sometimes directing those thoughts to their friend (or former friend, as the case may be), and sometimes just expressing that they’re upset by something, but not giving too many details about it.

This is a sign, to me, that that person is feeling vulnerable and wants to keep some thoughts and feelings private, but still wants to express something about this intense experience that they had. I think that, in such cases, the user should either (a) mark that journal entry private, or (b) decide not to care if other people can read what’s in their hearts, and write away! I think some people decide not to put as much in because they are torn between expressing themselves and sharing everything with the whole world. I think that, if you’re feeling something so intense, that makes you feel so vulnerable, that you should put it in your journal and mark it private. A week or two later, go back, re-read your private entry, and decide if you’re ready to express those thoughts publicly. If so, then mark the entry public and let people come and see what’s going through your mind, or what happened. In that way, you can still express yourself, and you can do so on the public forum that is livejournal, but without feeling quite so vulnerable and exposed.

Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much? have you reckon’d the earth much?
Have you practis’d so long to learn to read?
Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?

Walt Whitman, excerpt from “Song of Myself,” ca. 1882.