My husband’s best friend had a baby over the weekend. She was due in June, but came early via an emergency c-section. I guess she’s going to be in the hospital for a while, being so premature.
I don’t know really how I feel about this. I mean, I guess I was just getting used to the idea of them having a kid. The mom hasn’t even had a baby shower yet, so far as I know. So many things that just kind of get thrown into the air, when you’re not ready for them.
When my sister got pregnant last year, I think it was the hardest thing in the world for her. It wasn’t that she didn’t want her baby– on the contrary, she wanted to have a baby so much, she had eventually adopted. But, see, that’s the thing– she had already adopted one. And made up her mind to love him and to want to only have one child. After all, she couldn’t afford to adopt a second, and she’d been told she wasn’t going to have a successful pregnancy.
And then she got pregnant and, I think, just overwhelmed. Emotionally, as well as physically. My sister has never been the kind of person to watch every morsel that goes into her mouth– when she’s felt fat, she just stopped eating (she was borderline anorexic when she was a teenager). So as she got bigger and bigger, she felt fatter and fatter. . . . and wasn’t allowed to stop eating or lost weight.
Emotionally, I think it was rough because she had adjusted to wanting something that she suddenly wasn’t getting– just one child. Now, she was getting what she wanted before, and she couldn’t not want it. But she had to re-adjust her desires to match what she was getting– a second time. Let me tell you, since I saw her go through that adjustment the first time– it is not an easy adjustment to make. Basically, you are deciding what could be the most important and lasting decision of your life– how many children will you have?
For myself, the answer to that question was easy and final– none. And I found a mate who agrees with me on that– possibly the most important thing to agree on in a marriage. If I were to get pregnant now, I would not be capable of re-adjusting what I want out of life to accommodate a kid– I’m too selfish, too self-centered, and too focused in my own goals and ambitions.
For my sister, though, she had to re-adjust, and twice.
Well, a few weeks ago, she lost her job, and is now re-adjusting again to want to have an in-home daycare. I do not mind saying that I think this is a mistake. I think she wants to stay home with her family, and she’s trying to justify doing so financially. I really and truly hope that she chooses instead to work out of her home, doing something valuable and that uses her many great skills and talents, but which does not require her to bring other peoples’ nasty little children into her own home. I have too much regard for her intelligence and capabilities to believe she should limit herself to some little in-home unlicensed daycare thing.
